Tricia the Substitute

To be a substitute teacher in a rural Alaskan district, you don’t need a teaching credential. With a thorough background check, anybody can run a class. This week it was my turn.


Mr. Hutton, the music teacher, had a conference in Haines. I was the natural pick to help out because of my music background. For this first timer, he made the lesson plans very easy …Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday the 6th, 7th and 8th grade class were going watch the Broadway musical “Into the Woods.” I knew the show by heart and planned to briefly talk about the differences between straight plays, musicals and operas. Easy. The lesson plan for the high school student was to watch a PBS special on Jazz. To accompany the video, Mr. Hutton had made up a very detailed study guide for them to fill out. In theory it sounded great.

Sunday night I fantasized about my dynamic interaction the students, the new found joy for musical theater and Jazz in their eyes…they would be inspired by the music to contribute to the greater good. Steve calls this my “bubble.”
Monday morning I got up, excited, humming Little Red Riding Hood’s song from “Into the Woods.” I picked out my favorite suit, did my hair, gathered my Google research, and looking professional, feeling filled with purpose, I headed to the school thirty minutes early. I carefully preset the chairs for perfect video viewing, I tested the DVD player, I lowered the shades, I set the attendance folder in an accessible spot, and waited, with a skip in my step, for the students to arrive. They came alright…hammering on one of three pianos, pounding on the drum set, tapping the solo snare drum and moving all the chairs around the room. One well-meaning student really wanted me to teach him the beginning of Beethoven’s Fur Elise. I was able to get the others off the instruments except one piano. I then showed the one student the notes to the piano song he wanted to learn. Meanwhile more kids came in thrashing about the room. This was not a good start.

Mr. Hutton gave me a behavior guide to follow, a system of negatives and positives points…but I did not have the magic touch and so many things happened so fast I couldn’t tell who was doing what. I felt like an untrained police officer sent to the front lines. They chewed gum when they weren’t supposed to chew gum. They used their cell phones when they weren’t supposed to use their cell phones. Every five minutes a student desperately had to use the bathroom or get a drink of water. I had to separate kids for talking. I had to wake one for sleeping.

My high school class wasn’t much better. One of the wrestling team members was drawing on his bicep with marker. Four girls giggled in the back row and then had the audacity to ask me for the answers to the first five questions of the study guide. One student sat through half the class then told me she didn’t even have a study guide. I am supposed to mark them down if they forget a pencil, well; three-fourths of the class forgot their pencils. Good luck trying to get that marked down. .

The next two days I was less enthusiastic, but stilled arrived overly early and dressed professionally…heals and all. The performer in me knew the show must go on. I kept the class room door locked until the first bell sounded, my solution to warding off the over zealous instrument pounders. I let them set up the chairs, informed them that there would be no leaving to go to the bathroom or getting drinks. After a quick review of the subject matter, I launched directly into the video. I still had some issues with talking during the video, but overall it was a better day. In the high school class though, it was worse. I had one student that was reading a mystery novel, refused to fill out his study guide, threw a penny at my feet and then balanced his writing board on his head.
For three days in a row, two hours a day, I was on duty. I tried my best, but found that even with such easy lesson plans and familiar content, I still had a headache when the last bell rang. I don’t like being the police, always correcting or monitoring for the bad behavior. I like to think the best of people. That is impossible when the odds are 23 to 1 and 23 are trying to break the rules.

I have always known that teaching was not in my blood. This experience confirmed it. I am a one-on-one person; Tricia teaching one voice student, Tricia talking to one black camera, Tricia singing to one music-loving audience. That is my comfort zone. I will substitute again, to help out, but I certainly know that teaching is not my calling. I’ll do the performing and I leave teaching to the stronger of spirit.